You’ve probably heard the hype. The book everyone’s been talking about. “Fifty Shades of Grey” has been generating a lot of discussion because of its graphic content, as well as its improper use of grammar. But instead of passing judgement on something I didn’t know much about, I opted to read the book instead.
In the novel, E L James writes about a young student whose relationship with a billionaire teaches her about life, love and strangely enough, BDSM. And it is this erotic topic that has attracted the attention of women around the world. Women are fantasising about being with a man like ‘Christian Grey’, someone who wants them emotionally but sexually as well.
But this fantasy runs deeper than that. It reflects on how we feel about our own relationships.
For my husband and I, we show our love for each other in many different ways. Sometimes we’ll say, “I love you”, sometimes we’ll surprise each other with a gift, sometimes we’ll give each other a hug.
These different types of affection are called ‘Love Languages’. According to Gary Chapman’s book on the topic, every person has a different way of understanding and expressing love and we all have a ‘primary’ love language that we respond to.
The 5 love languages are;
* words of affirmation (complimenting each other),
* quality time (giving your undivided attention),
* receiving gifts,
* acts of service (e.g. offering to do the housework),
* and physical touch.
So why have I mentioned the Love Languages, in relation to “Fifty Shades of Grey”? Well, I believe every relationship needs a combination of these languages to thrive. Everyone likes to feel loved in different ways.
And similarly, I believe men and women need different forms of intimacy to feel happy in their relationship.
I think that is why so many women are attracted to this novel. They yearn to feel loved in not only an emotional way, but a sexual one. And there is absolutely no shame in that.
Relationships need a lot of elements to survive. And to deny that we are attracted to having passion in our lives would be absurd. We all want to feel loved, to feel wanted, to feel needed. I think “Fifty Shades of Grey” brought out that message so well.
Each of us wants to be in a relationship where we are loved for who we are, but to also feel passion at the same time. And I think when we are able to combine the two, then we may have found a relationship worth holding onto.