Four years ago, someone very close to me lost a loved one. It wasn’t due to illness, it wasn’t due to death. His seemingly perfect relationship with his partner had come to an abrupt end. He lost the girl he thought he would spend the rest of his life with; the woman who he thought had completed him. He’d lost her to someone else. Yet the crazy thing was, I was the one filled with rage… not him. It was clear that I still needed lessons in love, and he taught me a very important one that day.
That first day
When he first told me what had happened, I felt so angry at his former partner. I couldn’t imagine how a person could throw away something beautiful they’d been holding in their hands, for something that had the potential to break their heart into a million pieces. I couldn’t imagine how you could hurt someone to that degree and not give it a second thought.
As we sat side by side, immersed in our deep conversation, he explained to me exactly how he felt. His honesty was compelling; it even drove me to tears, I was crying like a baby.
It was the absolute saddest I’d ever seen him. No previous time had ever come close.
He said to me: “Honestly, I cried about it for a whole day. Then I told myself, ‘If that’s the person that she is, then I don’t want to be with a person like that.'”
Since that day
To this day, he still has the same attitude. It’s never been out of fear of getting hurt, it’s never been because he’s sworn himself off from women. It’s because he’s finally found happiness within himself.
He has enough love and respect for himself, to know that he deserves the same love and respect in return. He’s not going to settle for any less. He is so much better than that.
Rather than focus on ‘finding love’, he is focusing on ‘loving himself’ – doing the things that make him happy, following the career path that makes him smile, regardless of what others think.
He’s living for himself… and not for others.
The greatest love of all.. comes from within
With today being Valentine’s Day, it’s so easy for us to fall into the trap of, “I need someone to make me happy”, “I need to be loved to love myself”, “I need someone to make me feel good about myself”.
But looking at my loved one and what he went through, I know all these statements are, in fact, not true.
The right person can make you feel more confident about yourself, more motivated to achieve your goals, give you more purpose in life. But they shouldn’t be the whole reason for your confidence, your motivation, your purpose. That person needs to be YOU.
The greatest love you could ever possibly feel is the love you feel for yourself.
You need to..
- Believe that you are a good person.
- Believe that you are good at what you do.
- Believe that your voice matters.
- Believe that you are capable of achieving your dreams.
- Believe that no matter how many mistakes you’ve made in the past, you’re still capable of changing the future.
You need to realise that the greatest love of all doesn’t come from your relationships with others, but it comes from within…
When you truly love yourself, you will have the capacity to truly love others.